HORNCHURCH 3 RAMSGATE 0
Ramsgate, led by ex-Urchin Steffan Ball, came to the Bridge, to face the little pub team from Essex. The heron flew over, an egret fished in the river nearby, and Ramsgate’s handful of supporters looked nervously on as the Urchins took the field to the Kaiser Chief’s I predict a riot. It was a bright sunny day, and the pitch was in near perfect condition. Billy Coyne came in at left back, in place of Lee Brown who has gone back to QPR, and Urchins signalled that they had come to attack, with Dean Green, Kris Lee and Simon Parker up front. Mark Janney returned to the squad after injury.

Urchins lost the toss and had to kick towards the restaurant end of the ground, and almost took the lead when Kris Lee chased Donny Barnard’s through ball, and keeper Jack Delo had to rush out to kick wildly clear. But it was the Gate who took the initiative, when Tom Wynter took a free kick and Steffan Ball headed wide, to the cheers of the EastSide. Gate had another chance soon after when Jay May turned quickly and placed an excellent pass in front of Ben Laslett, who ran on and hammered the ball well wide of the goal, so wide that the corner post had to duck out of the way, though the shot was greeted with wild applause from the EastSide. But Ramsgate looked sharp with many of their moves emanating from Steffan Ball.

Royston then sent a good pass out to Walder who found Ball racing through, and Steffan’s shot was well saved by Dale Brightly. Urchins weathered the storm and Dean Green placed a long pass ahead of Kris Lee, who cut in from the right but was tackled by Wynter. Simon Parker then sent over a good cross which was deflected out for a corner by Wynter. Tomlinson swerved the ball over and Laslett headed away. Urchins could have take the lead when a long upfield kick by Brightly bounced high over Danny Walder, who had misjudged his header, and this allowed Kris Lee to break on the left, and Kris crossed to Simon Parker who touched back to Tomlinson, but his chip shot was saved by Delo, who promptly returned the ball upfield, where Schoburgh homed in on goal, but was tackled by Mark Goodfellow, to concede a corner, which was taken by Steffan Ball – he took all the corners – and Brightly caught the ball as it swerved dangerously towards the goal. Gate had the ball in the net with a hard shot from the left, but the flag was up for offside long before hand, although this did not deter the visiting managerial staff to entertain the EastSide with their protestations. Roughly translated they did not agree that their player was ten yards offside.

Donny Barnard limped off, and Paul Shave came on, to play more upfield, A Tomlinson free kick was met by Kris Lee whose first time volley was blocked and the ball rebounded back to Tomlinson, who immediately crossed the ball into the middle where Paul Shave header was inches wide of the post. Jim McFarlane then tackled Ball and put the ball high over the Riverside stand and it was last seen floating towards the Thames, where no doubt it will find the other 24 balls which have so far ended up in the river. But it was McFarlane then in action at the other end, when he went up to head John Purdie’s free kick narrowly past the post. Urchins began to increase the tempo, although Gate still looked very dangerous when they came forward. Parker to Tomlinson, and a long pass up to Kris Lee, whose cross was played straight back to Kris, and his follow up shot was well saved on the line by Delo. A long kick by Brightly found Dean Green, who slotted the ball sideways to Parker, who set off on a solo run, and his shot was saved by an alert Delo.

Half time, and once again the fog bound club shop – someone had forgotten to turn the tea urn down - was packed solid with souvenir hunters all taking advantage of the reduction in VAT to buy some early Xmas presents. Two people in blue and gold scarves came in and wanted to swap them for red and white ones, and sales of woolly hats went through the roof, on rumours of a rapid drop in temperature.

Colin McBride made a tactical change soon after the restart, Mark Janney coming on and moving to the right wing, with Andy Tomlinson dropping to left back and Dean Green moving inside, leaving Paul Shave a free role to terrorise the visitors up front. But it was the Gate who nearly opened the scoring, when Steffan Ball soloed through the middle and fired a vicious shot which Brightly fingertipped around the post for a corner, which Ball took and Tomlinson headed powerfully away. Urchins began to force the pace, and Simon Parker won a corner on the left, which Tomlinson floated across and Delo held well.

Urchins took the lead when Kris Lee won the ball in the midfield and neatly played it to Mark Janney, who set off up the right wing – or should it be down the right wing – and his centre was headed home by PAUL ‘the Demon’ SHAVE, who is rapidly becoming an Urchins legend, judging by the roar of approbation which greeted the goal. Ramsgate retaliated with a long range shot from Pettit which Brightly saved comfortably. Ramsgate made two substitutions, and Simon Pettit, the visitors’ long throw expert, went off, thereby taking away one of the visiting sides main thrust, as there was no one left to hurl the ball into the goalmouth.

Simon Parker took a long pass from Tomlinson to cut inside from the left, and keeper Delo saved well, whilst at the other end, McFarlane conceded a corner, Ball took the kick and Goodfellow headed away. Dean Green and Mark Janney were causing havoc on the right side and Ramsgate defended desperately, with the ball being booted out the ground, disappearing into the direction of Mr Freeman’s garden. Dean Green came up to take the throw, and caught the visitors by surprise when he hurled the ball across the goal, and Ross Wall touched back to Simon Parker, and thence back to ELLIOT STYLES, who hammered the ball into the net from the edge of the area for a classic goal.

The handful of Ramsgate supporters, who had chanted unintelligible chants throughout the match, saw their aspirations for three points disappear into Dreamland, and the EastSide gave one of their best performances ever with a series of retaliatory chants, which made Kenny of South Park sound crystal clear. Just what they were saying no one knows, but everyone agreed with.

Another long throw by Green reached Ross Wall who was tackled by Wynter for a corner. Janney took the kick, the ball was headed back to Mark, and his shot cum centre hit the bar and was scrambled out, but promptly played back, and Shave was fouled as he went for the ball, Tomlinson took the free kick and Kris Lee headed inches over. The siege was now at Alamo proportions and Tanner was booked when he brought down Dean Green. the third goal came when Ross Wall ran on to Dean Green’s pass, and held up the play in the corner, neatly drew two defenders, and then slid the ball back to Mark Goodfellow, who had started the move from deep inside his own half, and Mark played the ball into the middle where PAUL SHAVE calmly finished it off. And in the three minutes added on for stoppages, Paul Shave nearly scored another when he broke through to crash his shot inches over the bar. Three goals, three points, and the little pub team from Essex are coming into top form.